Psalm 145

So, I thought it was about time to move past that dramatic post I had last time around and let y’all know what’s been going down. I don’t think I’ve ever been more unsure and so out of control with my own life and I love the freedom I have found in that lack of control. I’m grateful that God has allowed me this journey and pray that I am able to continue with this journey as I am able. I was reminded yet again today from James that we should never boast about tomorrow or about the things we will do in the future because we aren’t guaranteed even tomorrow. I’m humbled and free in knowing this. I’ve loved and hated this journey that I’ve been on for the past few months. I feel I’ve learned so much and been shown grace beyond measure in coming here. I feel older. Well, maybe not older, but like another maturity notch has been added to my Christian belt. I don’t mean to be haughty or full of myself, but I feel as though I’m in a completely different space in life than I was even two months ago. I’m grateful for it. I’ve also recently been somewhat struggling with the concept of allowing God to romance me again and understand His presence as a true guiding force in this life. In recognizing that this life is just a vapor makes me grateful that I’ve been allowed to understand and comprehend the commands before me and go forth with those demands. I love being captured and shaken from where I shouldn’t be. It’s refreshing and comforting. I don’t know what the next step holds. At all. I don’t know where/when I’ll find a job. I don’t know when I’ll be able to pay back my debts. I don’t know what church will be home again. I don’t know when I can move out on my own again. But, to paraphrase both David’s words and Shane and Shane, I do know that the Lord is gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love, good to all, and that’s what I will hope in continually. I’ve never been so sure of myself or so haughty in my life. To think I had it all figured out, I should be called a fool, because that’s what I’ve been for some time. Don’t misunderstand me. This move wasn’t necessarily foolish, but my attitude in this whole process has been. I’m grateful for that tail- between- the- legs feeling and know that there will come many a time more when it will be applied yet again. My Lord is good. He is sufficient for all my days, yet it takes all my days to realize that. I thank the Lord for my lessons and hope I’m not a repeat offender. Some things I’d like to work on in this:

- finding joy in the day-to-day…I’m not one to get overly excited about much. Actually, I’m not one to get excited about much at all, but I do desire to feel that deep-seated joy that comes only from the Lord and His mercy. In asking for this, I know I am also asking for situations that make life as un-joyful as possible, so I pray for wisdom and mercy in those situations to choose the joy in them.

- reading meaningful books in my spare time…not inspiring-motivational books that make me feel good, but books that grow my confusion and understanding of the Lord and His ways. Not books that are bias in nature, but books that present the Lord in His light, not the light we tend to paint on Him.

- working towards getting my mind as healthy as possible…without it I struggle functioning daily.

- understanding the realm of grace… not merely as a word, but also as a context and concept.

Thank you for your time. It’s appreciate more than you know.